Literally feels like I’m reblogging any and everything on my dash… I haven’t been here in a while and this is the worst time to start getting back on here. I have two tests to study for tomorrow, a lab report, a project, and exams to study for next week and the week after. I don’t understand why everything is happening all at once. And look, I’m on the worse possible website to be on, thinking about the one person that I thought I was over… But I guess not. Old habits die hard.
I’ve been so busy with school and Tony (the puppy) that I’ve neglected tumblr (my old obsession). I’m really trying to get my GPA up so that I can get a certain scholarship so I’ve really been studying… More so than I did my other semesters. I hope it works out.
One thing I’ve realized about myself it that I’m really clingy. Or rather, I should say, I want attention but I won’t ask for it. I’ll mop around all day until I get your attention. So, yea. I am now aware that I’m a jealous, clingy individual.
Edit: Found the word for my clinginess: one-sided expectations.
I just want to forget but its so hard to do when those were the good ol’ days.
I had a dream that I was right where I wanted to be… But that was a lie…
Wanna know why I always smiled when I looked at you? Cause you was everything I needed to survive.
Now the very thought of you gives me a horrible gut feeling and tears down my face.
He said that if we did go out, we would probably end up married cause there was no way he was gonna break up with me. He wants to meet new people and wishes the same for me. He wants to still be friends and said he would back off texting if my new guy didn’t like how close we were. He also said he hopes the new guy is uglier than him which made me laugh.
This was what I’ve been waiting to hear. The end.
After a whole year of confusion, I actually feel a whole lot better about myself and who I am as a person.
I dunno how I lost myself like that but I did. I can’t even say that won’t happen again because I get too excited and just throw myself into someone (or something).
I just need to learn a balance and stick with that. One day I’ll have someone be foolishly in love with me and I’ll be foolishly in love with them and it’ll be perfect for once.
I kinda went on a date with myself today. I needed a little distraction from my feelings.
I just need to vent for a little bit…
I don’t understand how you could say all those things and not make it clear that you wanted nothing to do with me? When the roles were reversed, I never said that I loved you because those are serious words. I took your distance as trying to get used to working your new job and school. I guess the only person I should be mad at is myself. I’m just upset that I had this fantasy all in my head while you were indifferent to me the whole time. It would have been nice to get a verbal “I don’t see you like that (anymore).” This has become an emotional pain and I can’t seem to shake this gut feeling I get whenever that happens.
I just wish you better explained yourself rather than just stop answering back. Stop making me have to piece stuff together. I was in love with you. I couldn’t see the obvious signs.